It's January and I've hardly given you a proper hello. I don't know if anything I say tonight will make sense, but I'll give it a shot anyway. New Year's greetings aside, there is plenty to blog down, and a great lackage of will to do so. I am a very wordy person, and I often wonder if I lose my readers in my lopsided direction of thought. When it comes to communication, getting from point "A" to point "B" is hard for a singularly complicated person such as myself. But I like to write to you. Writing is something I doubt I shall ever give up, though I may avoid it to some extension.
There is something very familiar and comforting about the way the keys feel beneath my fingers, and I revel in familiar things.
You see, a lot has happened, and a lot will happen still. Most of which I only care to hint at and do not care to elaborate upon. But I've been doing a bit of reflecting and I've decided that there is an surprising amount of meaningfulness to be found in our lives as well as the lives of others. Over the past month or so I've drawn many half sided and hardly baked connections and realized just how cleaver God is.
Oh God is so good. The real God. The Everlasting God. The God who gives and takes away, never ceases, and overpowers all else. The God who I believe in.
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I used to write more often. I used to talk about the way things made me feel, but I know that I'm being watched and overhead, so I made up words and coined my own phrases. I guess I still do, but I just pretend like I don't know what I"m doing and since nobody else does, none of them realize. I am clueless. But it's not a bad kind of clueless. Just a funny kind. The way it's funny how some people enjoy being surprised, and others loathe it. I don't know why I think about these kinds of things, but I do. It's...y'know..."the way I are and the you is". So I'll keep thinking this way, especially as I sleepwalk into the land of life as we know it.
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Joy comes from God. I don't know why exactly, but I have always been an incredibly joyful child. Somehow I find it easy to laugh and I never learned how to lie about the falsity of my smile. My smile is real, and so is the peace I've found in knowing that God knows better than I do. I wish other people could find out how nice it is to know that they are not in control. They'd be a lot happier.
I kind of feel like this is all serious sounding. I didn't mean it to be, but it's okay to be serious. Especially when you need to be. I guess I'm just rambling now though...and tonight that's exactly what I feel like doing.
Tonight our little toy hockey league kicked up again. My friends and I had immeasurable counts of fun by competing our brains out and whacking each other with sticks. This will be an every-Sunday-night-thing for a couple of weeks, and I'm glad for that.
I'm learning more and more what a blessing it is to like being around people, and to be comfortable being around people.
I'm liking my outside classes that I'm taking this year. Not merely because I rock out in essay and skool in bio, but also because I genuinely enjoy chilling with people.
---I mean, please don't take away my "me time" after listening to me say that. But I'm finding a deep sense of value in both time alone and time with others. I think there's a healthy balance, and the older I get (ha.) the more important balancing social stuffs becomes. I still live under a rock, but soon somebody will poke a stick down my hole and I'll be forced to crawl out into the big wide bright sunny world.
But it's all good because I can manage transitions.
Another funny thing I've been observing lately is how dearly I hold fast to fictional characters and made up stories when under stress. I think a lot of people read books in order to escape to a new world, and I think I sailed under that bandwagon ship a long long time ago. I love fiction more and more because I'm finally learning how hearing stories about dragons being bested can inspire us to defeat our own dragons.
Music encourages me too. And it keeps coming back to me how odd it is that a song can become a sort of "life bookmark". There will forever be those songs that will instantly remind you and I of the very first time we latched on to the melody. I find it very nostalgic, and maybe even a little bit dangerous. I don't believe that dwelling on the past makes for a good future,, and yet I like the sad feeling that I get whenever I listen to an old favorite tune. But in the wise words of dear Sally Sparrow: "Sad is happy for deep people."
Do you think I'm deep? Sometimes I feel like I'm just pretending to be. I'm probably only deep on the internet. Real life is always a completely different matter altogether, and deepness if very much more subjective.
It's getting later and later now. It's strange, but I can't help feeling that tonight is a little different...a little wonky...for some reason I keep thinking that I hear wind rushing out my window. That hardly ever happens at night, but I wish it did so more often.
Oh Wind. You and I are friends. Soulmates, even.
But more on that some other time.
For tonight, I regret that I must bid adieu to all. Please have a good week, and come back to me with some witty remarkabolism. I sometimes appreciate those.
Kismint
